Toronto Artist "A Paper-work Nightmare"

HEY APATHY! Comics Online

My Toronto artist studio floor is camouflaged with forms, essays, applications and endlessly bureaucratic pages of budgets and text. Hardly a drop of ink to be seen, the spots now entirely engulfed by the chaotic compilation of documents accompanied by randomly scattered brown envelopes and data discs. The theme to Gilliam’s Brazil echoes through the hallway as I dodge spelling errors, wrestle resumes and struggle to defeat the deadline horizon of this years granting season. The accumulation of two months worth of typing, reading, writing and rearranging words, numbers, pictures and accomplishments shuffles about slicing my ankles, stifling my every move. Duplicates, triplicates, multiple copies and only 1 copy of each form, sent to various addresses, all labeled with the artist’s name and the title of the proposed program of work or proposed grants program, each asking for the assistance in the development of a socially satirical body of animated atrocities. A little odd isn’t it? As one who spent most of his life perfecting a humanist art form derivative of folktales, street performances and the inspirational chaos conjured out of random experience, the penetration of paper work made me feel as a surreal Sisyphus might if only the boulder was a cabinet of forms which could never be completed. But alas I conquered the nightmare and that work is done.

As the opening description might suggest, the completion of said task was not an easy one. In order to get all this stuff done, and to the best of my abilities, I decided to make a meditation out of the event. I refrained from all drawing, recreational reading, and leisurely use of the internet. The only exceptions would include a late night cartoon or two after I’d exhausted my ability to produce proper essays and forms. I did get into one short discussion about the Justice League on facebook, but it was completely by accident as I actually went there for business purposes (I don’t usually chat on that forum).Abstaining from these small pleasures wasn’t too difficult because they all involve using the computer. After 8- 12 hours of working on the machine the last thing I felt like doing was traveling anywhere online. The most trying factor of the ordeal was suppressing the urge to be creative.

I stayed focused throughout the work but was perpetually taunted by my imagination. As soon as I’d step away or lie down the stories would start to flow, ….a tale of a dead man kept in motion by larvae and vermin feeding on genetically ingrained experiences, missed opportunities, broken dreams and embarrassed emotions… and things like that kept popping into my head. The next page of the comic, the animations, an idea, all crashing at my psyche attempting to overthrow the mathematical and essay driven obligations I’d imposed upon myself. It is certainly a strange battle, the artist, itself an anti-established deviation who throws paint on walls and lives free from all anxieties, forced to wade knee deep through imaginary paperwork in order to continue his mission of making a mess.

Despite the contradictory nature of the artist seeking finance from a world that he/she cannot help but criticize, the process is actually quite logical and certainly fare. Most of the applications require a brief, yet succinct, written account, some visual support material and summarized budget costs. It is amazing how many forms and copies you have to fill out in order to convey that simple information, but in the end if one knows what they want to do, and the work is of any cultural value, then one probably stands a good chance. At any rate finalizing all this organization of materials proved far more rewarding than repulsive and seems to have ended much swifter than it began. Well the letters are all sent and the remaining papers brushed to one side, so I think I’ll spend a day or two cleaning before doing whatever it is I’m going to next. HEY APATHY!